I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe. Rick Astley will let you borrow any DVD from his Pixar collection, apart from one. The person who invented the door knock won the Nobel Prize.

Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon. I used to be addicted to the Hokey Cokey, but I turned myself around. If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. He said, “Uno, dos…” and he disappeared without a trace.ĭid you hear about the pessimist who hates German sausage? He always fears the Wurst. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind, it’s tearable.Ī Spanish magician was doing a magic trick. I couldn’t concentrate.Ī courtroom artist was arrested today. My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.Ī friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but toucan play at that game.Ī short psychic broke out of jail. My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. I had a job tying sausages together, but I couldn’t make ends meet. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind. My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. He was too clothes minded.ĭid you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay.

I recently heard about a mannequin that lost all of his friends. I found out she was seeing someone on the side. My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus. Trying to write with a broken pencil is pointless. I tried to look up lighters and it gave me 13,749 matches. It’s pretty handy.ĭon’t trust atoms, they make up everything.ĮBay is so useless. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how a Mercedes bends. I thought it’s sell-by date was tomorrow… I want to split up.” “Good idea,” I replied. My girlfriend said, “You act like a detective too much. What’s the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are two dollars, but deer nuts are under a buck. Chances are, you’ll hear some crosswords.ĭid you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine. The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.īecoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak.ĭon’t interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coluoring. I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. Things got a little tense.Ī plateau is the highest form of flattery. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

Cringe by sarah brown